THE QUEST OF THE HOLY GRAIL trans. by P.M. Matarasso: 44/284
Okay, this is some 14th-century French Arthurian stuff, and it is great. Pretty much the first thing that happens is Lancelot goes out to do some knight fun things, and these nuns give him a kid and say MAKE HIM A KNIGHT, which Lancelot does, and this kid is like the most gorgeous person ever made. And now he’s a knight! Lancelot is very impressed with his looks.
This says less about Lancelot’s creepy sexuality (read: smoulder at Arthur, who is kind of a whiner, and have sex with Guinevere, who is also a whiner) and more about his incredible vanity, since the kid turns out to be HIS VERY OWN CHILD THAT HE WAS FORCED TO CREATE. Honestly I am not even sure what to say about modern rape culture and its application in the medieval romantic ethos, so we’ll just say Lance made a baby on accident with a tricky lady and he thinks said baby is pretty cute.
When they get back to court, Arthur is like, THANK GOODNESS SO HUNGRY LET’S EAT HO BOY, and Kay pitches a fit about how you never start a feast at Camelot until you’ve had an ADVENTURE, dammit! Arthur: not that into this. Kay: IT IS YOUR TRADITION.
Luckily there’s this thing called the SEAT OF DANGER at the round table that will eff you up if you’re not the best knight in the land. I don’t know who thought that was a good idea. Also luckily, this sword shows up that is like I TOO AM FOR THE BEST KNIGHT!!!! And luckily, Lance’s hot bastard son who is Galahad is there, and is a completely perfect human being. So in about two seconds the sword is his and the seat is his and that’s that, adventure over, and they can sit down and eat.
Guinevere, of course, gets super bummed out that Lancelot is no longer Camelot’s hot number one knight bachelor, and Lancelot gets confused about her feelings because he’s so busy being chivalrous that he has no competitive spirit at all.
Then, due to the ongoing plague of magical narrative devices, the Holy Grail arrives. And with its sacred, marvelous power, it…
makes everyone a really good dinner
Then it floats away! And Gawain is like, I GAWAIN WILL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE AGAIN HAD SUCH A TASTY DINNER SEEN THIS CUP OF CHRIST
questing for a year kthxbai
And then all of the other knights of the round table go too